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(2005). Crunch Time: 8 Steps to Making the Right Life Decisions at the Right Times.
"Through experience and observation, I've learned and counselled that people who are hostile and belligerent often have developed their 'offensive' posture as a form of defense. These individuals lash out to keep people from further hurting them, possibly discovering and uncovering their vulnerability, and/or from seeing how hurt and rejected they truly feel. Time and again, their defensive behavior is used as a buffer to protect the raw feelings hidden within. In essence, these individuals appear to believe that: 'If I attack you first, I might scare you off, and you won't get to me. Thus, I'm safe for the moment from hurt, disappointment, rejection, etc. Safe from people seeing the truth.'
Another defensive strategy that I deal with on a regular basis is that of withdrawal or apathy. In these cases, individuals appear to withdraw from life and/or appear not to care, in order to conceal their low self-esteem and their intense fear of feeling more rejection and pain. These individuals, in some respects, take the opposite approach in order to protect themselves. They get out of the game altogether. If they don't get up to bat in the game of life, they can't strike out. If they don't put themselves into the contest, they can't be judged—and be rejected. These individuals appear as if—or say—they don't care. But deep down, they care, and once cared—big time. But as a result of past experiences of perceived or real rejection, they've chosen to never let themselves, or their expectations be rejected or dashed again. By withdrawing from it all, they're better safe than sorry." (p. 197)
Another defensive strategy that I deal with on a regular basis is that of withdrawal or apathy. In these cases, individuals appear to withdraw from life and/or appear not to care, in order to conceal their low self-esteem and their intense fear of feeling more rejection and pain. These individuals, in some respects, take the opposite approach in order to protect themselves. They get out of the game altogether. If they don't get up to bat in the game of life, they can't strike out. If they don't put themselves into the contest, they can't be judged—and be rejected. These individuals appear as if—or say—they don't care. But deep down, they care, and once cared—big time. But as a result of past experiences of perceived or real rejection, they've chosen to never let themselves, or their expectations be rejected or dashed again. By withdrawing from it all, they're better safe than sorry." (p. 197)
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